Choosing to Consciously Uncouple

By - Shaneka McClarty On Apr 07, 2014

Choosing to Consciously Uncouple

Recently, Gwyneth Paltrow announced that she and her husband, Chris Martin, are splitting up after ll years of marriage. She stated on her blog that she and Chris have “come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much, we will remain separate.” What intrigued me was Gwyneth’s use of the phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’ to describe their decision.

According to Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami, conscious uncoupling “is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. Because present events always trigger pain from a past event, it’s never the current situation that needs the real fixing. It’s just the echo of an older emotional injury.”

Conscious uncoupling can be very difficult for divorcing couples to do, in that it requires a level of emotional maturity, self-awareness and the ability to not blame their partner. Conscious uncoupling can lead to effective co-parenting and the support of one another’s individual happiness. It is genuine and selfless.

When a man and woman hold hands and utter the sacred vows of marriage, I am sure that divorce is the last thing on their minds. A couples’ ability to evolve through the changes of marriage requires commitment, perseverance, patience, respect and self-control. For the couples who decide they cannot continue with the commitment of marriage, conscious uncoupling can lead to personal growth and liberation; however it requires you to:

  • Identify your weak, brittle or broken roots that have grown within your heart and soul. These are the wounds that orbit within your spirit and hurt the most.
  • Identify how your partner “ripped” the band-aid from your covered wounds. These are the actions or words that triggered more pain in you.
  • Identify how you defended your wounds to protect yourself.
  • Lastly, what lesson was the universe trying to teach you through your spouse?

My message to anyone who is considering separation/divorce is to know that your relationship is not a failure. Instead, embrace it as part of your transformation and bless your partner for being a part of the journey.

Have a sweet day,

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