50 Shades of Hate

By - Dr. Jeannetta “Jaybee” Nickelson On Mar 12, 2015

50 Shades of Hate


There is always so much talk about “The Haters” as if it’s this members only club that you earn access to only after revealing your inner *ss. I personally, in an effort to crack the hater code did some digging to understand the true nature of the millennium hater; The modern day Judas that has nothing better to do than make the lives of others miserable. Whether it be the co-worker that doesn’t want to see you thrive, the “friend” that can never seem to be happy for you, or the “relative” that you sometimes wonder about, haters are real and alive in 2015.It is important for you to know the difference between who is in your corner and who is cutting corners in your circle of influence. So, what is the method behind a hater’s madness and why are there those that appear to be for us when they really aren’t? There are a number of reasons but I believe they all stem from a basic few things…

The age old saying remains the same; “Hurting people hurt people” and I have never seen that more evident than in the *N*O*W*. There is so much going on around us on a day to day basis that you just never know the reason behind why people do what they do. I, for one have become very accustomed to the nature of the “Hater” but have also become somewhat desensitized due to knowing the reason behind it. The biggest problem that we face as a society is thinking that there isn’t “enough”. Enough dreams to be achieved, enough Men or Woman in the world, enough jobs, opportunity, abundance etc. It is only when someone believes that you prevent them from having something they feel entitled to that they will usher hate into your life and see you as an enemy. It is only when they think that their quality of life is somewhat compromised by you that they see you as a threat. In an effort to minimize you, they believe that they will gain in access what you have had taken away and that couldn’t be further from the truth. What you take from someone whether it be in the dark or out in the open will always come back to you in the form of guilt or a situation that will certainly make you remember what you did. The key to understanding a person that “hates” on you is first understanding these things about them:

They are immature in mind and deed: This is evident because if they understood that there is enough of whatever they believe you took from them or are keeping them from getting, there would be no reason to be upset with you.

They spend more time calculating your moves than their own: There isn’t much time spent on achieving what they want due to focusing on you. This could be the very reason you are appearing to do and be more than they are.

They are holding a grudge against you and living in the past: Due to them holding onto issues concerning you from the past, they are unable to focus on their future.

They lack the confidence to be who they dream to be: They may be envious of you and all that you are doing because they have a fear to go forward in their own lives. Sometimes it is easier to reject the truth than the accept it.

The key to dealing with someone that gives you grief on the road to your dreams, or appears to be unsupportive is to show them the very opposite of what they are wishing for, that regardless of what they say or do, YOU WILL SUCCEED.

For example, when I began my weight loss journey, I was met with more opposition than I knew what to do with. I was fine with others as long as I was the chubby fallback girl. When I decided to change my life and make things better for me, I received tough criticism about the way I lost weight, how much and everything else you can think of in the process. In a decision to press through, I found that on the other end of the process, some of those same people were watching me and asked for help in their own journey after the fact. If I had stopped due to their issues with me, I wouldn’t have had anything to offer them and I’m glad that I decided to press on.

As adults, you would think that this sort of thing is something that goes away over time. That again is not a true statement. We carry these behaviors and thought patterns into adulthood and it can affect many relationships ranging from professional to personal. If you recognize that someone is around you who drains you of your energy, continuously questions you in an unhealthy and unsupportive way or who chooses not to celebrate with you in your successes then you are encountering one of the 50 shades of hate. When you encounter someone like this it is good to recognize it, remain aware and not let it affect your grind. People have to come to the realization that they are a hater on their own. It isn’t a conversation that goes over very well if they have yet to realize it.

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